43 Adults Who Clearly Missed The "How To Be Grown Up" Lesson Gabija PalšytėSeptember 30, 2025 at 4:26 AM 0 To quote Scout Barry from Moneyball, who was trying to persuade Billy Beane to commit to the New York Mets, "We're all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children's game,...
- - 43 Adults Who Clearly Missed The "How To Be Grown Up" Lesson
Gabija PalšytėSeptember 30, 2025 at 4:26 AM
0
To quote Scout Barry from Moneyball, who was trying to persuade Billy Beane to commit to the New York Mets, "We're all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children's game, we just don't know when that's gonna be. Some of us are told at eighteen, some of us are told at forty, but we're all told."
However, not everyone hears it. On Reddit, a user named Pigeon_Bones_ opened a conversation about the worst cases of people who never managed to grow up. From mooching off parents to throwing tantrums, the discussion has become a sad and cringey catalog of missed opportunities and wasted potential. But who knows, maybe these folks can still turn it around.
#1
A guy I went on a date with about a decade ago. I didn't want to see him again (for a lot of reasons) and he d**n near threw a tantrum in which he said I was "discriminating him" for knowing that women need a heavy hand and to be controlled so we don't malfunction, insisted that white Christian men are the most discriminated group in the history of the world, claimed that I 'owed' him a chance at a long-term relationship because he was interested, whined that I didn't have the right to decide to be child-free without consulting him further down the road in our relationship, shouldn't be allowed to have opinions because I'm not politically conservative, and said that as a woman, I was too stupid to know what I wanted and needed 'a man like him' to think and make decisions for me. He kept texting and emailing me variations of his tantrum for nearly 6 months demanding I give him reasons *he* thought were valid to end our 'relationship' (you know, the one that didn't exist?). The kicker? NONE of this came up on the date. My dating profile said I was child-free by choice for medical reasons. He's the reason I don't give out my number to potential partners until after a date. That's the kind of behaviour I would expect from a 15-year old, not a grown man.
Image credits: 3batsinahousecoat
#2
My brother and sister. Through no fault of their own. My sister has chrons and recently developed psychosis. My brother is a high functioning autistic. I am the youngest and the only one working. They were both enabled by my parents. "They're not feeling well so they cant do it!" Was very common for me. "Hes a boy so he doesnt need to learn how to do chores" was another classic. "Her tummy hurts so you have to clean the kitchen instead" was another. I grew up hearing excuses for them. They are now 33 and 30. Do not know how to cook or clean so I do it all. They are under my care since my mom passed. I am 27. I am exhausted. I am making them learn because I refuse to be 50 and still look after them.
Image credits: Apex_121
Of course, there's a gray area when it comes to defining what makes someone an adult. Different people have different values, and not everyone measures maturity by the same standards.
Traditionally, though, researchers often highlight four common milestones: moving out of the parental home, securing full-time work, getting married, and having children.
In the United States, for example, nearly half (or 45%) of 25- to 34-year-olds had checked all four boxes back in 1975.
But a newly released U.S. Census Bureau working paper suggests the picture looks very different today.
#3
My neighbour.He is 35, lives with his parents. Has a $100k Mercedes and a motorbike, but argues with his parents weekly how he needs the $1000/week allowance they give him to live.
Image credits: Diesel-NSFW
#4
Ex decided he would rather drink, and play games rather than maintain a job, put any effort into paying his (like 20%) share of bills or taking care of himself or putting any effort into a relationship with me or my son. When I left he expected me to continue paying rent and electricity for him to have a party house with his friends. He ended up getting evicted and last I heard he was beating up his new gf in a tent he lives in behind a gas station.
Image credits: bigbabyxrey
#5
The guy who quit jobs every 2 weeks because 'they didn't vibe with him', then blamed society.
Image credits: uwuvxdh
Over the decades, the most common milestones shifted from family-centered to economic ones. In 2024, only about 21% of 25- to 34-year-olds had achieved all four traditional markers of adulthood—living independently, working, being married, and having children.
Fifty years earlier, reaching only the economic milestones (securing employment and moving out of your parents) was the fourth most common experience for young people (6%). Now, it has become the dominant path: 28% of young adults fall into this category.
#6
A good pal of mine, who's recently grown out of this (thanks to a healthy relationship with an emotionally mature partner), was almost 40 and still living with his mom. Now, that itself isn't bad, no shame there, but he didn't shop for himself for anything other than computer parts or dnd tchotchkes, relying on her to keep him fed and clothed; on the subject of dnd, again until recently, he played 6-8 games a WEEK, showing up late to work or skipping other social engagements to play. He's grown up a lot since he got in his relationship, and I'm really proud of him- she's a great lady and has some baggage and stuff of her own, so they've been helping each other a lot and it's nice to see. I'm not a 'you're not living if you're not growing' kinda guy, I think that's a bit reductive tbh, but I'm happy to see him making strides for himself.
Image credits: crushbone_brothers
#7
I had a friend who had a massive trust fund that he blew on partying booze and weed. He became a massive alcoholic and never really grew up. He was the most spoiled kid I've ever seen. He had some legal issues and turned his life around recently. Hes working on a masters in cybersecurity so it seems like he's doing pretty well. Hes sober now, and we've recently reconnected. His attitude us completely different. People can change with motivation.
Image credits: SNESChalmers420
#8
A neighbor. Late 40s, barely graduated high school, never showed any interest in higher education. Still lives with his now-elderly parents. Occasionally works minimum wage jobs when his parents force him to get one; none of those jobs last more than a few months. Badgered his parents into buying him an expensive, fancy truck that he rarely drives because they make him spend his own money on gas for it. Drives his parents' car everywhere. As far as we know he's never had a real girlfriend (although he's gotten catfished a few times) and we're pretty sure he's probably a virgin although he claims he gets "lots of p***y". His parents told him they were leaving him their house, which is paid for. His interpretation of that is that when they're gone he'll live debt-free for life. He refuses to acknowledge everyone who tries to tell him that he'll have to pay property taxes and utilities...after all, they said the house is paid for so he won't possibly get billed for anything. Sadly I give it 18 months tops after his parents die before he gets kicked out of his dark, cold, no-running-water house.
Image credits: MrsPottyMouth
The researchers mention societal and economic shifts — including higher education levels, more women in the workplace, higher living costs, and more varied family structures — as the possible explanations for why fewer young adults are meeting these benchmarks.
Either way, the manner in which we hit (or don't) these and other similar milestones can absolutely influence how we develop our adult identities.
#9
My high school friend.We used to spend all our time as teenagers smoking weed and playing Playstation. Last time I saw him, he was in his 30's and still doing exactly that. From what I've heard, he's still doing that in his 40's.
Image credits: sapperbloggs
#10
Me. 33, live with my mom. Terrified of driving, so no car. Work full-time at a grocery store, no real ambitions. Lost my virginity at 31, never been in a relationship.Pretty pathetic. I recently started learning Spanish though, so that's something.
#11
My sister. Never went to college even though grandparents would pay for it. Worked low skill jobs all her life. Never saved money. Bankrupt at least twice. Now she's in her late 60s and living off public assistance. And of course, she thinks all her problems are someone else's fault.
Image credits: Routine_Mine_3019
#12
My brother wanted to move out. Parents bought him a house. Technically loaned him money for a house. But my dad kept immaculate financial records, and in 15 years my brother never paid back a single dollar.Needed a car. Bought him a Mustang. Wrecked Mustang (at fault). Bought him a Camaro. Wrecked Camaro (at fault). Bought him an F250. All new cars. All while my parents paid his car insurance. At the same time he owned the cars, he totaled two motorcycles. At fault. 2nd wreck put him in the hospital for a few days, but my parents also paid his health insurance.I haven't talked to my brother in over ten years, and five years ago I told my mom if she ever brought him up I would hang up the phone / leave immediately. So she doesn't. Last I heard, he was 42 years old and has never had a full-time job. Ever. I know she still writes him a check every month for about $3000.
Image credits: TurkTurkeltonMD
#13
Kid of close family friends I knew growing up. He never grew up beyond his teens. He's like in his 40s now and will ask if you want to play N64 or whatever console when you visit. He had every console ever plus a room of games. He never worked a job that paid. He never moved out. He doesn't even claim unemployment as that would need effort in this country. He always demanded the latest toys and consoles etc even now in his late 40s from his parents. Never dated. No relationships ever. I feel bad for him. Not sure what he will do when his parents pass in a couple of years, already the dad is in care and his mum is close to it too.
Image credits: mooforshoes
#14
I used to work with the guy he's in his 50s. lives with his parents who are in their 70s about to go into their 80s.he doesn't pay rent or bills. He doesn't clean up after himself. He lives like a child. he has a masters degree and a bachelors because his last two girlfriends had those degrees and he felt threatened so he just went and got them. He works fast food. He literally doesn't have the skill set to use the degrees in the field. So he just works fast food. on top of all of that, he feels sorry for himself because he thinks he's really smart because he got those f*****g stupid liberal arts degrees and he volunteer to work at fast food when he applied for the job and he acts like he's above all of it. It was such a pain working with him. I don't work for the company anymore. also, his wife left him saying she's gay. She told him she's gay, but she was lying -she's straight. She just didn't wanna be with him and he wouldn't leave her alone so she pretended to be gay for three solid years.
Image credits: LuckyCod2887
#15
My brother in law and his wife. They live in a tiny home that was once a shed on his wife's parents' property. They don't pay rent. They don't really pay any bills. Don't pay taxes on the land. He has two part time jobs, she doesn't work and stays home all day and draws. They cook maybe 2 times a week for themselves while her parents or my in laws cook for them, and they complain about wanting to start their lives but make no efforts to change what they're doing.
Image credits: stylethelaughter
#16
My own half sister. Age 30She doesn't have children. She doesn't work. She doesn't work or contribute to bills. Lives off of my parents. Screams and curses at them to pay her car payments and insurance for a car she doesn't drive.She is on a stipend of money.She sleeps all day and stays up all night... The most they can get her to do, is to watch the pets while they (parents) are on vacation. She bullies and has even hit my children, her nieces and nephews. My parents have financially supported her, her entire life.They have helped her several times get out on her own, even when moving to another state far away.She keeps coming back. She has absolutely no plans for a future or a family. I was very hurt and upset when I heard that my parents would be leaving her their lovely home. A home meant to size a family with children... And the plan was allegedly to throw me some cash.That's hurtful to me because I have struggled my entire life with partial paralysis since birth due to birth trauma. Think light cerebral and Erb's palsy diagnosed. I think because she is younger than me and more buxom, she is treated with favor by my Mother only. Failure to launch syndrome is real.
Image credits: Charm_deAnjou
#17
My brother, failed culinary school got dishonorably discharged from the army, got 3 separate girls pregnant, then married the last one only to divorce her, because she annoys him. Quit his best job and is living with my other brother. Now he thinks he can be a truck driver...
Image credits: Crixus_935
#18
She "re-invents" herself at least twice a year. I've lost track of how many times she's "finally found [her] true self" over the years. From looks to hobbies to gender identity, it never ends.She once told me that she thinks it's because she doesn't want to grow up, in addition to being highly insecure and dissatisfied with her life. She's a very kind person, but not to herself -- whoever that is.
Image credits: StraightRip8309
#19
My ex! He refused to get a job. He'd get so many opportunities, turn up for a week and leave. He also dropped out of his uni studies because he just couldn't be bothered. What really used to bother me was that he'd rely on his grandma for birthday and Christmas money to buy video games and this was still going on in his late 20s. I broke up with him because I basically predicted he'd be spending his whole life living on a couch. That's exactly where he is now… and he's almost 40.
Image credits: magical_bunny
#20
A former co-worker of almost 40 years who continued spending his entire salary on consoles, parties and designer clothes, while living at his mother's house and not paying a single expense. He got angry if someone said something to him and he always said "I'm going to get going"… but he never did.
Image credits: SweetTeaserOne
#21
I had a friend through the caregiver/little community who literally did *nothing* for herself, she didn't cook, she didn't clean, she demanded her husband get her literally anything she wanted, Would throw fits to the point of throwing up if our mutual friend didn't come online, threaten to k**l herself ect if her husband didn't get one of her alters a birthday cake..Also uh, me. I've never lived on my own, the longest I've stayed on my own is 3 weeks because my mom was in the hospital. the longest I've held down an actual job was maybe 10 years, then had a 3/4 year stint in a cafeteria until I got disability. (I *do* take care of my mom so she doesn't have to go into a nursing home though).
Image credits: MarshmallowFloofs85
#22
Arrrgh! My friend is living with a 35 year old guy who refuses to allow anyone to use the word "grown up" in his presence, to the point where he makes a BIG production out of it. He insists that he shouldn't have to grow up and plans to stay a child forever. I don't know how to tell him that there is a big difference between a childlike sense of wonder and just being an immature j*****s. He's insufferable.
#23
One of my cousins;He's 50 y/o, have never moved out of his father's house, has his wife and kids also living in said house, and rather than get a job, he will occasionally post a self published really bad (understatement) sci-fi novel on his goodreads, he used to have a website, but since I can't find it, I assume my uncle quit paying for the domain. The plot of his books can be summarized as follows;Game of Thrones fanfic, but in space. Also occasionally you can tell which members of the family he was pissed off at when he wrote certain chapters.He does all of this a*s-sitting, despite most of the family kissing his a*s and considering him a success story, solely because he has a PhD.
Image credits: RoseWould
#24
Worked for a salon owner who married and decided to stop developing emotionally or intellectually at 19 years old. She was 40 when she hired me. It took over five years working for her for me to slowly realize that her terrible behavior wasn't ironic, as in "wouldn't it be the worst if someone was actually like this?" but she earnestly was that terrible.Running out to grab lunch and offer to grab something for her? "Yes but I'm going to want a million alterations so get a pen and prepare for them to take a while."Offering a stick of gum? "Don't offer me gum unless you're ready to give me two pieces. I need two."Clients indicate that they prefer any other stylist? "I guess I'm second banana." To their faces! (Guilt tripping clients for choosing anyone other than her.)She's so immature, and on top of it all, thinks her behavior is cute.Now she's just a 50-something mean girl.
Image credits: SharktopusMilk
#25
Ex roommate was expected to show up at his call center job, work for six hours, and not smoke weed.He smoked exclusively grass, no oils and this was pre-vapes. He just couldn't help it, would light up about halfway through his shift. Lasted a few days, was given many warnings. He blamed the ethnicity of his supervisor, not his d**g a***e. To calm down he smoked a lot more w**d, ran out, and harassed his fiance to get him more while he played on my xbox.I hear he's actually doing much better these days. Good for him, honestly.
Image credits: hanks_panky_emporium
#26
My 42-year-old friend has been unemployed for long stretches of time. He once got fired from working at a small town bus station for getting bored one day and practicing his knife-throwing skills against the wall.""He thought he was in the right, to the point where he came back to the station after getting fired to throw a chair.
Image credits: anon
#27
My X's sister (who was no catch herself) married this brain dead schmuck who agreed to live with her parents, which she wanted. But he never held any job for more than 3 weeks. Preferred to sit in his room arranging his model airplanes, listening to his light jazz CDs, and typing the "Christian book" he claimed to be writing. Every publisher rejected it for plagiarism. Far as I know, he never did get another job.
Image credits: Snarky_McSnarkleton
#28
My brother in his 40's. My parents developed an extremely unhealthy attachment to him after the oldest brother died in a car accident. Down to cutting his meat before serving. They just kicked him out for his most recent m**h a*******n and went cold on him. It has been 30 years of enabling him that came to an end. He was in panic mode. I am not sure what he is doing now because he is off the grid. Not calling Ma and Pa because I chose to walk away from the toxicity years ago and I am not stepping up for the circus. He actually had it good from them - I am the one who took the beatings that kept the anger off those younger boys. Some houses burn their own selves down and I stopped fighting their fires years ago.
#29
My oldest brother is 45, lives in our mom's basement and can't keep a job for more than a few months. He just gets lazy, stops showing up and gets fired. Then he just loafs around playing video games until our mom finally makes him get a new job. As you can probably tell, she's his worst enabler. Constant threats of kicking him out but she never follows through on them so he continues his life as a slug in her basement. Naturally, he blames anyone but himself for the state of his existence. My other siblings and I are basically non contact with him.
#30
My Aunt, late 30s. Has never really had a job, lives with my grandmother, no education past high school, never learned to drive, and is a single mother. Even though she lives in poverty, somehow reality hasn't hit her yet about how bad her circumstances are, and no one really knows what she'll do once my grandma retires/dies.
Image credits: Prudent-Isopod3789
#31
I have a buddy whos 60. He parties like 21 yr old. Never had kids or a wife. Lives in costa rica and bangs cheap hookers in a house he inherited.
#32
My brother went from one short-term job to another, always quitting in a snit because of some imagined slight. He would wheedle people into letting him stay with them 'til they got sick of him and kicked him out. He whined and begged for money from our mother, me, my in-laws, and anybody else he could fleece. He just never seemed to realize that he was responsible for himself.
Image credits: kirradoodle
#33
My uncle is in his 40s, still living with his parents. Spends all day gaming. No job, no responsibilities.""He throws tantrums when asked to help with anything."
#34
I was on an interview panel once. We asked the applicants about leadership. One guy gave a long answer that seemed weird. Finally, one of the other people on the panel asked him, "Are you talking about World of Warcraft?" He was.
#35
Cousin's kid. In his 30s and has never lived away from home. Randomly decides to go to college for different careers, but no follow through. Periodically works part time for a few days here and there. His parents are in their 60s and financially unstable, and we wonder what he will do when they're gone. My dad has tried to talk to his dad to no avail. .
#36
Uncle. He is 50. Lives in a house my mom owns, doesn't pay rent, and doesn't work. He gets his mom to buy all of his groceries or his girlfriend's mom (gf doesn't work either). He is the most pathetic excuse of a person. I'm sorry to say it. He needs a big reality check.
#37
Friend whose mom was a mail order bride to a man 30 years older than her. He's 35 and still living at home with his new stepdad who is the same age as him. He doesn't pay rent or any bills and gets an allowance. He hasn't had a job for longer than a year out of college, and all he does is drive around eating at new places and posting it online. He throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way and has the biggest case of dunning Krueger I've ever seen.
#38
I will provide a very harmless variant with my flatmate. We are a bunch of students. Most people stay in the house for the duration of our degree and then move on and out. Not him. He is very crafty and intelligent and a good dude to be around and I like to hang out with him. But it has been 14 years, since he started his Bachelor degree and has no plan to finish it (this is Germany) and pours all his money in hiking gear and his dog. The dog is pampered and well trained. My flatmate still parties around, smokes weed all day and will hang around the living room until someone joins him.He has build the garden, the driveway, most of the tiling in the house by himself and has done a lot of other renovations alone or with other flatmates helping. He is talented and could do a lot more with his life, if he could get himself unstuck.He is a good guy, but has become part of the furniture of the house and will probably never move out. There are flatmates in their early 20s, while he is approaching his 40s. I am worried for him, but he seems comfortable enough to continue life as it is now.
#39
Several of the guys who were in my fraternity in college still try to live like they're 20 year-old frat bros well into their 30s.
#40
An ex friend of mine married a man who was so childish their relationship actually made me uncomfortable, like it was the 80s movie "Big" and he was really an 8-year-old in an adult body. I was actually disturbed at the idea she was attempting to have an adult relationship with this person. He had a job but he had zero social skills. If she dragged him to a party he would sit in the living room reading a book. He wouldn't wear shoes in the street. Once he disappeared at an outdoor concert in the middle of the afternoon and was found up a tree (he was sober). I watched him eat the cardboard holder on his to-go coffee cup once. They visited a mutual friend in England (we're American) and he made it his mission to break every social norm anyone told him about because he thought it was funny -- everything from standing on the wrong side of the escalator and holding up traffic to insisting he was going to order "biscuits and gravy" for breakfast to see what the server would do. None of this was apparently a deal breaker; they got divorced because he wanted kids and she didn't. Read that again. After they got divorced, she got weirder (like, similar-to-him-but-not-as-extreme weirder), which is the exact opposite of what you would expect. (Hence why the ex-friend)I have no explanation. He was insufferable and the fact that she was sharing a bed and making budgets and life plans with this person gave me serious ick.
#41
One of my coworkers is 57, has worked for the company for 30 years, is incapable of doing her job correctly still. She lives with her aging parents, who do everything for her. Literally everything. Her Dad seems (to me from the outside) to be showing signs of memory loss, Mom seems to be in better shape. She had children, but gave them up for adoption when their Dad bailed. She can't even cook a meal that isn't a TV dinner or wash her own clothes.
#42
My ex. It's honestly really sad to see because he was on his own since the day he turned 18. When we first met, he took over his grandma's rental in a really nice community. Then we moved out of state and in and out of different apartments throughout our 5 year relationship. He paid most of the bills and got himself his dream truck. He got his credit back up to a really high score. Pretty much everything we had was because he worked hard for it. Towards the end of our relationship he became an alcoholic and pretty much let it get the best of him. The drinking led to him partying pretty much nonstop. When I refused to go with him, or tried to bring it to his attention he would become erratic and a*****e. So I left. Since we broke up he lost his apartment, moved in with his grandma, stopped paying all of his credit cards, stopped paying his taxes, got months behind on his truck payments, and is two years behind on his truck registration. But yet is still partying like he's still in his early 20's. The guy is in his 30's and I really don't think there's any coming back at this point, financially. He spent $5k to go to Miami during spring break, $5k to go to EDC, is going to Seattle at the ending of this month to go to another rave, and goes to big rave festivals once or twice a month. He has the money to cover his bills but chooses to spend the money on partying instead. His own brother has tried to tell him to slow down and he still refuses to listen. We were even on track to buy a home together the month we broke up.
#43
This one is funny & sad lmaoMy sisters ex stayed with us, essentially just moved in, and stayed even after they broke up because literally no one wanted him, he's a grown man well into his late 20s, the way my sisters room was set up was in the downstairs living room, so when my sister brought her new boyfriend over, they'd be sleeping together with her ex across the room sleeping on a futon, He eventually moved into my mother's tool shed, & squeezed a tv, a couch & a mini heater in there. I dunno how he survived the harsh Canadian winters lol. He was a funny character, Stole my teenage sisters clothing from the hamper, (I literally seen him wearing polkadot panties while he was crouched over)Sneak food after everyone went to bed, pick up cigarette butts from our drive way, even bring over a 16 year old & made her sleep in the shed cooking in the sun while he slept in the basement with AC. My mother finally kicked him out & passed him over to the next victim.(Edit because I forgot; when my father asked him what his plans for the future were, his response was "become a pokemon pro tournament player").
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43 Adults Who Clearly Missed The "How To Be Grown Up" Lesson Gabija PalšytėSeptember 30, 2025 at 4:26 AM 0...
